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A Letter from Hal & Sidra:
A Personal Journey, Part I
Tuesday, November 6th 2001
Dear Friends,
We have not been able to be
in touch with you earlier than this because we have been very
much "in" the events. Since September 11th we, like
others, have been feeling the vulnerabilities, the conflicting
selves, the moments of awareness and the hummingbird-like hovering
between opposites - many opposites - as we've looked at the changed
world in which we all now live.
We flew back East to Philadelphia
to attend a wedding on Sunday, Sept. 9th. Then we drove Washington,
D.C., on September 10th and woke up to the bombing reports on
the 11th. Our first reaction in Washington was disbelief and then
the vulnerability of not knowing what was coming next. We were
clearly in one of the target zones. Our immediate need was to
make sure the grandchildren were safe at home and that Sidra's
daughter and son in law were safe at work. Both of them work in
places that could be vulnerable. We remained in D.C. until Sunday
and then we drove to New York City.
On the Wednesday evening immediately
after the bombing, we were scheduled for a three-hour relationship
presentation in Bethesda sponsored by Francine Pinto. We had just
a few cancellations and quite a few more people signed up at the
last minute so we ended up with a group of well over a hundred
people. It was a remarkable evening for us all and we were very
moved by the entire event. It felt so very good to be dealing
with issues of consciousness that we all could sink our teeth
into, particularly at that time of intense vulnerability and not
knowing. And it was a beautifully open evening in terms of sharing!
We entered Manhattan through
the Lincoln tunnel. There is a loop as you approach the tunnel
where traffic was stopped and from here, for about half an hour,
we looked across at the New York skyline. For Sidra this was a
very powerful experience since she is a native New Yorker. To
see the gaping hole in the skyline and the smoke rising from the
place where the twin towers had been was indeed a strange and
sad experience. It was like looking at a face you know and love
and finding some important piece of it missing.
When we arrived in New York
we drove to the Waldorf Astoria (where we like to treat ourselves
with a free stay using our Hilton Honors points). The garage was
closed and cars had to be handed over to attendants who inspected
them thoroughly before parking them. We could only enter the hotel
through one small door which was flanked by guards. When we finally
entered the vast lobby of the hotel after going through a careful
inspection, which included photo ID, we found ourselves totally
alone. There were three very subdued employees behind the reception
desk and absolutely nobody else. This was a very eerie experience;
it felt like a dream. This is a huge lobby that is usually crowded
with hundreds of people all bustling about with a sense of excitement
and it was empty, totally empty. The second image that has stayed
with us is our walk through the outer, very large, lobby where
a woman seated up on a balcony was playing the piano and singing
to a room that was totally empty. She usually plays to a room
filled with chatting people enjoying cocktails or afternoon tea.
One of the most powerful sights
in New York were the hundreds upon hundreds of computer generated
8 by 11 announcements with pictures of missing loved ones, a description
of where they had been in the World Trade Center, and a plea for
information. The pictures were of men and women of all races and
ages - they truly gave the feeling of the US as a great melting
pot, a poignant picture of our great diversity. These poster-like
announcements were plastered all over the city but were more numerous
in lower Manhattan where we saw them on the walls of buildings,
on advertising posters, in front of the fire stations and hospitals,
and on the bus stops. At night they were lit by hundreds of burning
candles. There were corners in Greenwich Village that were set
up as shrines to the dead and missing with these posters, flowers
and candles. At first, we stopped to read them; we wanted to honor
the people by reading them all. But, in the end, we had to stop
because the sadness was too great and the vulnerability was too
deep.
Our October Denver training
which had been scheduled for the following weekend was cancelled.
We rescheduled this program for May 3-5 of 2002. This proved to
be a blessing for us because it gave us the chance to drive home.
We no longer had plane tickets. We couldn't even reach the airlines
by phone and flights were being cancelled at the last minute whenever
a new threat was discovered. There was no way we could be sure
of getting back home for our Thera training on September 30th
if we relied on the airlines.
Sidra, whose blood carries a
very high volume of gypsy red and white cells according to Hal,
suggested we drive home. National Car Rental was totally cooperative
(they made special arrangements for anyone who had rented a car
before the 11th and was stranded by the attacks). So we left on
Wednesday the 19th and arrived home the following Wednesday. Our
September training began the following Sunday and ended on October
6th.
This week we have been playing
"catch-up" and we leave for Calgary on Sunday where
we will be doing a full weekend relationship training. We are
then home until Thanksgiving week when we return to D.C for the
holidays and then back here for our December training. We are
both feeling well. Marilou has kept things under wonderful control
here even while rehearsing for and performing in the local production
of Stephen Sondheim's "A Little Night Music" where she
was, indeed, a real star.
The Journey and the People
Our pilgrimage across the US
touched us deeply. It has been 50 years or more since either of
us drove across this complex and achingly beautiful land. And
we are more in love with it than ever before. Although we have
spent time in the East and the West, and even in Florida, we had
forgotten the magnificence and sweep of the entire country as
we felt it driving from "sea to shining sea". Each part
of the country has a special delight, a special energy to contribute
to the whole, much like all the selves contribute to an Aware
Ego process. And this land that we have been blessed with is precious,
unbelievably precious.
We felt surprising feelings
of pride and patriotism towards our country and our fellow citizens.
We were deeply moved by what we saw and - equally - by what we
did not see or hear. We heard people singing "America the
Beautiful" and "God Bless America" rather than
the "Star Spangled Banner". They were drawn to songs
of the heart and spirit, rather than our more war-like national
anthem. We felt a stirring of pride and patriotism that we haven't
felt since WW II. But, on the other hand, we know well the blindness
and potential destructiveness of patriotism when there is no responsible,
questioning voice to balance it and so we have another self that
fears the stirrings of nationalism. Each side exerts a powerful
pull and we find ourselves holding the tension of these opposites.
Everywhere we went, there was
an outpouring of love, a sense of unity, caring, and generosity.
The first, of course, were in New York. We had been jarred by
the "business as usual" look of store windows, of billboards,
and other advertisements with happy, smiling, consumers. But the
grand old stores - Saks Fifth Avenue, Lord and Taylor, Bergdorf
Goodman's, and, later, Macy's - removed their window displays
and replaced them with either flags or expressions of condolence.
Human values took precedence over consumerism and sales. At least
for a while. It would be wonderful if this kind of self-monitoring
could presage a change in consciousness and the opposites of self-interest
and concern for others could be held simultaneously.
There were dozens of ways that
people were raising money for relief funds. There were the usual
appeals for the frontline agencies that deal with disaster, like
the United Way's September 11th Fund and the Red Cross. There
were individuals and groups collecting money - and, of course,
blood. A coffee shop in Utah was raising money for the families
of the restaurant workers who were killed in the Windows on the
World. Firemen were raising money for the families of the firemen.
Each hotel we stayed at had a sign expressing regret, often with
specific notes put up by individual employees. And most were collecting
money for the September 11th victims. When we returned home, our
local fire department and our restaurants were also holding fundraisers.
This generosity moved us deeply.
In over 3000 miles, we saw only
one overt sign of hatred and call to violence. It was a hand-lettered
banner hanging from a freeway overpass in New Jersey with a crude
picture of bin Laden's head and the words: "Behead bin Laden".
We are not innocents. We knew that there was a groundswell of
distrust of Middle Easterners and that many dark-skinned people
were harassed, perhaps even killed.
But we did not hear hatred and
polarization as we crossed the US. Nor have we heard it since
we returned home. These were on the call-in shows that encourage
polarization and hatred. But on the streets, instead of hatred
and polarization, we heard ordinary Americans questioning of why
this had happened, what it meant, and what might best be done.
These questions were heard in every state we visited on the radio,
on TV, and in the newspapers. We overheard them discussed in conversations
in the streets, in coffee shops and in restaurants.
We did not experience a rush
to judgment, but, instead, felt a space in which new learning
could occur. Wherever people met, they were wondering about the
meaning of all this and how it could be addressed. Of course,
each answered in terms of primary selves, but it seemed as though
many different primary selves were given the chance to air their
views.
The Many Views of the Attacks
There have been hundreds of
Emails circulating that discuss the bombing from a multitude of
viewpoints. They have been fascinating, exhilarating, and also
depressing. We personally have learned a great deal from many
of them. Many of these present us with a new voice or new information
that needs to become a part of our new and - expanded - reality.
With so many viewpoints represented, it is certainly clear that
we need an Aware Ego process. It is only an Aware Ego process
that can allow us to embrace the multitude of ideas, recommendations,
facts, and judgments that we have all been reading during the
past month.
In looking over the Emails we
received, we saw some of the following primary selves: First,
the political primary self. These letters varied widely from the
simply political to the strongly polemic. They dealt with the
long term negative aspects of our foreign policy. Some of these
have been truly comprehensive and remarkable and we want to thank
all of the people who have been devoting themselves to finding
the best articles to send out to their Email lists. It has been
a real service and a real education. It is sad to think of the
mischief we have done and continue to do; but this is a reality
that must be faced and integrated.
Then, there was the economically-oriented
political self. These were the letters that explained how globalization
and the increasing power of the multi-national corporations have
gone too far and that it is this economic inequality that has
resulted in the breakdown of the system and the enmity of oppressed
peoples. They see the only cure for this as the destruction of
the multi-national corporations, putting an end to globalization,
and creating an equal distribution of all the wealth of the world.
In contrast to these primary
selves, we received many Emails that were totally a-political.
These were from people with spiritual primary selves who reacted
to the tragedy in their particular way. In their letters, they
say that we must pray, we must meditate, and we must surrender
to God. This, they feel, is the only way to deal with the current
situation.
There are anti-war primary selves
that see no possible reason for armed conflict, no matter what
the situation. They deeply believe that conflict begets conflict
and can never solve anything. Their opposites are the "eye
for an eye" primary selves. This self is not prevalent in
the Email of the consciousness groups but can be heard in more
conservative groups and on radio talk shows.
Some religious/historically
oriented primary selves focus upon this as a holy war and cite
that as the basic cause for conflict. These people send letters
dealing with the historical nature of the current conflict as
a holy war, some tracing it back to the Crusades. The other major
issue discussed by this group is the very major one of Fundamentalism
versus modernity, a polarization that is extremely intense in
many parts of the world, including the US.
Then there were the spiritual
selves that believe in love and in the mastery over negative thoughts.
They felt that anyone who has a negative thought is contributing
to the negativity of the world and to this particular crisis situation.
They believe that we must learn to love full time in order to
make the world better.
Each of you will address the
current issues in your own way. Some of you will take a more spiritual
route and some of you will be more politically active. Whichever
way you choose to travel, an Aware Ego process that always has
access to the opposites is a good companion. Your level of political
activism will depend upon your own inclinations. The impact that
it has is beyond your immediate control, but this need not discourage
you. Much has been gained in the past by political activism. But,
if you do take this path, having an Aware Ego process -especially
as an activist - should be a great asset just as it is in any
other arena of life because it doesn't create polarization which
primary selves do.
Ultimately, however, we are
not the ones who make the political decisions and, for most of
us, the large arena is out of our control. What is in our control
at some level is our own psycho-spiritual process and how we interact
with the people in our lives. It is this process that we will
be addressing in the coming weeks and months.
Psycho-Spiritual Reality
Psycho-spiritual reality refers
to a process of transformation that is inclusive of all of our
selves or energy systems. It means learning to embrace our psychological
nature and our spiritual nature. It means learning to embrace
our mind and our imagination. It means learning to embrace the
reality of our physical body as well as the totality of our psychic
makeup. It means learning how to embrace the light and the dark.
We have seen how this psycho-spiritual
consciousness process can impact our personal and business relationships.
We very much believe that, with time, it can impact our country
and our country's relationship to the world. Each one of you is
involved in this process at some level. In the months to come
we will be speaking about many of the consciousness issues that
we feel are central to our collective situation. We want you to
speak to them also. We have our forum for you to send things to.
We have our dream room. We would like to see a great deal of energy
go into the dream process so that the unconscious of each of us
can go into high gear and bring us its collective wisdom and power.
We want to thank so many of
you for sending us your very caring words during the last month.
In these troubled and very vulnerable times we are aware of how
much we need the contact with you as well as with our personal
families, friends, and acquaintances. Because this has been, and
continues to be, such a vulnerable time, the one Psychology of
the Aware Ego area that we want to deal with in this letter is
the vulnerability that is so central to all of us.
Vulnerability
The citizens of the United States
have had their first taste of vulnerability. The attacks were
brilliantly devised to strike at our primary selves, the centers
of power. They struck at our financial power and our military
power. We have been the undisputed super power in both of these
arenas. The World Trade Center and the Pentagon were the icons
for this power as well as its nerve centers. Our money and our
military as primary selves were shown to lack ultimate power.
We need now to move past these to something new; to care for our
vulnerability as a nation in a new way.
They struck at these "primary
selves" with our own people in our ordinary passenger planes.
Interestingly enough, the freedom to travel and to explore new
frontiers without fear or impediments is also very precious to
us as a nation. Being able to travel freely without fear has been
part of the American dream. Our movies and our literature are
full of images of people leaving where they are and going off
hopefully - not as refugees, but as visionaries - to a new and
better place. Suddenly, the nation's airways, roads, tunnels,
and bridges seem vulnerable. Our primary self of "the free
person who moves on" is no longer quite as easily accessed.
Terrorism is meant to produce
vulnerability and the more brilliant, passionate, devoted, and
disciplined the terrorist, the greater the vulnerability he or
she can produce. We have gotten our first tastes of this. As we
said earlier, many nations have known this vulnerability for many
years. And we are challenged to meet this vulnerability in totally
new ways because our old primary selves will not work in this
situation. Our primary selves are suited to the old kinds of war,
not to combating terrorism.
While in New York, before he
had begun to deal seriously with his own vulnerability, Hal had
the following dream:
"I am going through a highly
accelerated consciousness process, like nothing I have ever known
or could imagine. Then it stops and the dream presence says the
following to me - You (meaning me and all of us) must learn to
fully experience your vulnerability without having it rule you.
When you have done this then this kind of accelerated process
can be available to you (us)!"
Sidra's dreams during the entire
period we were away were also extremely positive. They showed
her caring for many children and then meeting the essential feminine.
Most exciting, they showed the two of us in many different settings
that were both personal and professional; a combination of hotel/workplace
and home. These places were endless and, at this moment of time,
several amazing new spaces had just been opened up for us to explore
and move into. So it is that we view this as a time not only of
tragedy, but of opportunity.
Vulnerability brings us closer
to our soul reality and to God. We don't know what divinity has
up its sleeve for all of us, but we believe that this is a collective
dream and it shows the basic task we all have in common right
now. We want you to know that we are feeling very good and that
we are very highly motivated to teach, to write, and to support
the consciousness process on this planet to the fullest of our
abilities. We believe that this kind of accelerated process is
possible and when it happens to enough of us things will change.
We are not sure yet of the exact
form our effort will take but it is a job we will do, all of us,
together. During the early and very dark days of World War I,
President Roosevelt made the oft-quoted comment that, "The
only thing to fear is fear itself." To live with our vulnerability
and yet not live in fear is part of everyone's initial work. In
times like these, we need to know how to surrender to God, how
to surrender to the process of conscious relationship, and how
to surrender to the process of consciousness and transformational
work in general. It is really the same as it always was, but now
the heat has been turned up, and the pot is cooking as it never
cooked before.
When we think of how hard so
many of us have worked to get in touch with our underlying vulnerability,
we must say with a wry smile, that Osama bin Laden is a pretty
effective psycho-spiritual teacher. In about half an hour he brought
hundreds of millions of Americans - and many people in other lands
- into an immediate experience of their vulnerability. Now we
can go out and do our psycho-spiritual work.
This has been a long letter.
It was longer, but we are saving the next installment for after
our return from Calgary. Then will be dealing with the primary
selves, the judgments, and the disowned selves involved in the
current situation.
We're all traveling this path
together.
Best wishes from your fellow
travelers,
Hal & Sidra
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